December 31, 2010. The last few hours of 2010 remain. People today are scrambling to eat the last cookie, last piece of chocolate, last glass of wine before January first hits them like a bad hangover (for some, that will be quite realistic). They will wake up and realize the resolution they were putting off in 2010 is expected to start in 2011. For some, their new years resolution may take them to a better part of themselves, they may stay there, they may not. Others will jump into the pool, realize they can’t swim, or the water is too cold, or the bathing suite doesn’t fit the way they want, so they get back out of the water, wrap a towel around themselves, and lay out in the sun (or hide in the shadows).
Frankly, I’m sick of looking forward to the future. I hate it. I lose track of what is currently happening, often asking myself where the last month went. I use the future as a way to escape from the present. It is VERY difficult for me to keep my head in current events. The sentences in my head tend to start with “When we aren’t living here….” or “When we have kids…” or “When I’m skinny….”. Meanwhile my dog is whimpering for attention or to go on a walk, my dinner has yet to be made, and my relationships suffer because I’m too occupied with what comes next.
This future planning tends to depress me. The future is the optimist’s utopia. I am all optimism when it comes to my future, but when I can look at the utopia in my mind, I cheapen the worth of my present. Only God knows where I’ll be in a few years. When I look to make plans that are so far out of reach from where I am NOW, I can only assume God is laughing (or possibly crying) at my ignorance. I am ignoring the life he has given me, longing for one outside the walls of the townhouse he blessed us with. He knows where my desires lay. He has set a path for me. I have to trust him and stop waiting and longing for things to change. My husband and I are doing what we need to do to set up a future outside of our townhouse. While those things get accomplished it is time for me to enjoy the surroundings in which he has placed me.
So, here’s to December 31, 2010: a day I was given by the grace of God, a day I will enjoy with family, a day we will have fish for dinner, a day I may take a walk or read a book, a day I will enjoy. Tomorrow will come in due time. I have no reason to rush it.